One year has passed..

Whoa, one year has passed. I have felt very very bad the last year. I have been struggling so much and lots of things has happened:

• Death of two dear friends = lots of stress
• Tried out EMDR for trauma work = lots of stress
• Found a endocrinologist which I thought could help me, which instead turned into a fight when I started to ask questions (such a unprofessional doctor!) = lots of stress
• Found a naturopath who has found out I have Pyroluria = lots of relief that I finally know what's wrong with me, but stress regarding how to heal it
• Boyfriend moved in with me = lots of love but also a bit stressful when things in every day life changes and all this "who's going to do the dishes" yada yada and lots of old trauma coming up to life from previous relationships
• Found out for sure I am HSP; highly sensitive person. Trying to cope with that. Slowly feeling better regarding that. I am who I am <3 
• Found a new therapist in January who really shook things up in a good way. But as always, I get worse during summer. Mental health does not take vacation like the therapists do.. 
• Big re-organisation at work. Have had nothing really to do from August '18 until May '19
• Started a new job position! Very very glad in the beginning, then almost killing myself with bad and negative thoughts and stressing myself out. But! I am having the best colleagues and manager! <3
• New levels of fatigue :( 
• New levels of depression :( 
• As of today, starting the GAPS diet to heal my gut. Let's see how it goes!
• Still not a single comment on this blog :( Should I shut it down? 
• But hey! This is my first published photo on this blog: 

:) 

Incoming tests and talks

Some days ago I ordered the Comprehensive Female 1 test from Nordic Labs. I have done it before, I think it was 2014. My cortisol levels were not as they are supposed to be. Super low in the morning and higher in the evening. Quite the opposite as it should be. Since I am more fatigued than ever lately, it will be interesting to see how leves look like now.

Need to break blood on my own finger, that's the scary part. 

Tomorrow I will also visit my therapist. I will ask them to remove any unnecessary diagnoses the psychiatry has given me. Last summer they were mumbling about some personality disorders that they later on claimed I do not have. They even sat there with me for 10 minutes and then they had decided that I have this and this diagnose. Can doctors really do that? Don't they need proper examination to a client in order to tell diagnoses? However, these freakin' diagnoses have been hauting me since then. Going to emergency with stomach pain and not able to eat for 48 hours and they tell me it's only "in my head", as they did past winter. Made me insane. I reported that doctor, asking how it's relevant to check my psychiatric journal when seeking for stomach pain attacks. She told it is very important indeed. I never understood that. 

However, when reporting a doctor in Sweden, nothing ususally happens. The doctor does not get any punishment for treating someone in a bad way. I think maybe if they miss out some serious diagnose and the client dies, then maybe something happens. But I do not think even the doctor gets removed from her/his place, even. It's horrible. 

So I will see how it goes. Hopefully I get diagnose free with some good comment also so I can start getting proper treatment. The only psychiatric diagnose I would agree to that I have is somewhat generalized anxiety. During the last year since the crash I have anxiety because I have no idea what's happening to my body. And noone seem to be able to tell me what is actually happening. When I get reactions to pills and creams, I just hear "Oh that cannot be" or "I have never heard anyone with these reactions before, so it sounds unlikely". Yeah yeah, please stop invaliding me.. 

Anyone can relate?  

Passing out and more ignorance

Ok so now I have passed out. Another symptom to my health CV :D

I have felt really bad for the last weeks; my symptoms have been worse than ever. Blerh. I called my health care central and asked for an appointment to my doctor. Got an appointment on the 1 of June at 10:30am. I went back to bed to rest. Then I decided to get up to get some work done. I felt super funky. Dizzy, heavy head and pain in lower stomach. Went to the bathroom and then I felt even more funky. Sat down on the toilet and placed my head between my legs to get blood back in my head. Then I do not remember anything else then waking up at the bedroom floor. WTF happened?

Super stressed out and scared, called my dad. He told me to call my boyfriend. So I did and luckily he was not fully occupied at his work so he could keep an eye on me. I also called my health care central and told them what happened. They told me to have company by my side and not be alone. If things got worse, I should go to the emergency. Otherwise, stay resting and go to booked appointment on 1 of June.

I was super funky in my head the whole day. Completely exhausted and dizzy. Made me super sweaty and weak to just go for a walk around the house. I tried to rest as much as possible. I felt so patheric feeling like a 95 year old lady.

However, I managed to keep away from pass out again.

The doctor's appointment was somewhat a disapointment. I brought papers with me from the endocrinologist in Göteborg, showing my low cortisol and anemia, but my doctor did not listen much. He just told my cortisol is "within range" and that I do not have anemia. Even though my symptoms are 100 % like both low cortisol and anemia, my doctor refused to even send a referral to check it closer. But he did however tell me to send the notes or a referral from my endocrinologist in Göteborg, to the endocrinologists at his clinic, so "they could take a look". But I am pretty sure they will refuse to take me in. My doctor also told me "I will not treat you with any iron". I told him about my endocrinologist wanting to give me iron intravenously. He just said "I am not going to do that". OK..? Well fine.. don't bother examinating my low iron levels further either.

Geez, some people could not care less..

Change of mind..?

So, the endocrinologist from Göteborg changed his mind and did not want to perform a synachten test anymore. Interesting. He checked my blood test and also seems fixated with the test result only and not symptoms.

He is now settled for that I have anemia. My iron levels are way too low. He wants to give me iron injections. Anyone tried that? He prescribed me some iron pills to start with. I have heard they cause stomach problems..

I have not yet dared to try the supplements I was given from the natural medicine clinic. I am so freakin' scared of creepy effects and flushings..

Getting closer to a solution?

I have now visited the clinics. One of them, the one with more natural direction, or how to say, told me I need magnesium, probiotics, omega 3 and digestion enzymes. I have bought some supplements and consider starting with them soon.

The other one was kind of intense. Intense doctor and intense meeting. It only took 20 minutes. The doctor seems willing to help me and thought I am hyperthyroid. I have never had that thought before. Maybe I am. I have always thought of myself as hypotyroid.

The doctor also wanted to perform a synachten test since my cortisol is too low. Finally!

Trying new clinics..

So, I have been recommended two clinics in Göteborg. One of them is more like a natural medicine clinic, the other one is like a 'normal' health care centre, but apparently their endocrinologists are good and listen to symptoms. I have appointments with them both during february. I really hope they can help me.

Stomach seems to easen up a bit; not getting severe pain anymore and that's always a start.